Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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