....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
