I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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