My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
