yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Randomize
