it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
