I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Can I color on your dick again?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
