This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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