We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
