Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
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Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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