Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
