I want to have your abortion
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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