oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My liver just had a heart attack.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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