2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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