3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
