I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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