On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We have started to decorate penises.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
