I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
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I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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