i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
