i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
