This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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