halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My vagina is officially offended.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
