i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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