So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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