very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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