But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
