dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
