I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
