i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
