We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
