at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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