i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
