New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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