You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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