Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
