the new term for farting is butt boxing.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
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my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
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I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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