It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
