Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
