Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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