The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think a kid would responsible me up
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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