So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
