So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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