That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
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I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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