Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
