apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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