he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
