Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
