can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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