90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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