question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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