So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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