My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
