feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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