I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Someone shattered a urinal.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
