Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
