If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
