i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
