Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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