I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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