My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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