Umm I'm too high to move.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
