I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
