if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
