I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
