she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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