I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
