Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
