babies were throwing up all over the place
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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