your thong is hanging out like whoa
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
