I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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