Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
